


The Knot In Her Throat

by Salmon_Pink



Category: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, DC Cinematic Universe
Genre: Community: ladiesbingo, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:19:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6374533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmon_Pink/pseuds/Salmon_Pink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sapling rising from the dust and the ashes; a new dawn, a new beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Knot In Her Throat

**Author's Note:**

> Contains major spoilers for _Batman Vs Superman_. Set after _Batman Vs Superman_. Discussion of canon character death. Written for [Ladies Bingo](http://ladiesbingo.dreamwidth.org/), prompt "mind and body".

It should be harder to track Diana down. But it turns out Lois only needs an e-mail address from Bruce, and Diana responds to her within minutes. 

Lois knows Diana’s spent years, so many years, avoiding attention, but she doesn’t seem to be avoiding Lois at all. In fact, it’s Diana who suggests meeting before Lois can even pose the question. 

Two days from that first e-mail, Lois is sat in a hotel bar in Gotham, Diana sitting across from her, subdued in a sharply-cut black suit but still disarmingly beautiful.

“Where have you been all this time?” Lois asks.

Diana smiles at her, slowly, secretively, and takes a long sip of her drink.

“How old are you? Where did you come from?” Lois pushes. She doesn’t know why the questions are tumbling out of her like this, but her instincts tell her it’s better to lay everything out on the table straight away.

“I didn’t come here for an interview, Lois,” Diana tells her. “I do not wish to be in your paper.”

“Why _did_ you come?” Lois replies.

Diana reaches forward, gripping Lois’s forearm, her eyes serious and solemn. “I came to see _you_ ,” she says gently. “I came to offer support.”

Lois swallows thickly, that tight knot of emotion that’s been wedged in her throat since she lost Clark feeling as sharp as needles.

“He was a good man,” Diana says, and there’s such honesty and openness in the way she speaks. “And you are a good woman. I simply wish to know you better.”

Lois nods slowly. “Okay,” she says. “Okay.”

*

There’s a sofa in Diana’s suite, but somehow they wind up sat on the bed, leaning back against the headboard and passing a bottle of scotch between them. It’s easier to relax without other people around, without the way the eyes downstairs in the bar kept stealing glances at Diana.

It’s easier to relax simply because it’s _Diana_ beside her, something about her presence so warm and soothing. 

She says that she wants to know Lois better, and Lois realises she wants to know Diana better too.

“He bought me pizza from Italy,” Lois explains, her words slurring a little. It’s not the booze, she’s not had nearly enough for that. It’s not even exhaustion, although she hasn’t slept well since Clark died. Maybe it’s everything inside of her, all the sadness and frustration and hurt that roil in her gut, that’s making it hard to force the words out. “All the way from Italy, and he used his heat vision to keep it warm.”

Diana laughs softly, her arm around Lois’s shoulders. She takes a long pull from the bottle, and Lois watches her profile, watches the bob of her throat and the dark smudge of her eyelashes.

“I miss him,” Lois hears herself say. She doesn’t know where the words come from; she’s not said that out loud to anyone but Martha since the funeral. The words make the ache too real.

Diana’s arm tightens around her. “I know,” she whispers, and Lois can feel the tears falling, can feel her chest seizing up like she can’t breathe.

She’d thought she’d been doing better, managing to keep the pain below the surface. But she can’t, not anymore, and it all bubbles over. Lois sobs against Diana’s throat, Diana’s fingers stroking carefully through her hair, and she falls asleep with Diana’s heart beating beneath her ear.

*

“No matter how many years you live, no matter how many loves you lose, it will still hurt you with the same intensity every time.” Diana’s voice is soft, her gaze watching the early dawn light beyond the hotel window. 

She turns to Lois, their fingers intertwined and the pillows bunched around them, and she looks even more stunning with her hair messy from sleep and her clothes rumpled.

“It _will_ get better,” Diana promises. “You will not forget, and you will not forgive the world for taking them from you. But it will get better.”

Other people have told Lois as much, and in the moment she’d thought she believed them. But it’s only when Diana is the one to say it that Lois believes the words for the first time.

*

She doesn’t see Diana for several weeks. But one night Lois is staring into space, the emptiness of her apartment closing in around her until she imagines she can feel the walls pressing against her skin, and it’s Diana’s number she finds herself calling.

Diana answers on the second ring. “Good evening, Lois.”

Lois exhales slowly. “Are you ready for that interview yet?” she asks, because it’s easier than explaining that she just needed to hear Diana’s voice.

Diana laughs, rich and low, and Lois feels the anxiety melt away, her empty apartment full of happier memories once again.

*

“It took time,” Diana admits, her finger running over the edge of her glass. “I needed to heal, both in mind and body.”

They’re in a bar in Bludhaven, dark and grimy, tucked away in a booth. Lois is there chasing a story, and Diana’s there simply because Lois asked. 

They’ve met several times now, and it’s just as likely that Diana will be the one to reach out as it is that Lois will.

“What was his name?” Lois asks.

Diana smiles down into her drink, her eyes wistful. “Steve. His name was Steve, and he crashed into my life and invited me into his world and he changed me. For the better, I believe.”

“How did you meet?” Lois prompts. It’s not an interview, but she still feels that need to know more, to know _everything_. Diana’s a mystery, but one Lois feels like she’s solving, slowly but surely.

“It was many years ago,” Diana begins, and Lois leans forward and listens to every word.

*

They visit Heroes Park together. Lois walks through the memorial, the symbol of the House of El, the symbol of hope, the symbol of _Clark_ surrounded by flowers and candles and handwritten notes, all declaring their love and appreciation and condolences for Superman.

Diana holds her hand, their shoulders brushing, her silence peaceful.

The pain is still the same, it hasn’t grown any dimmer or any less intense. But Lois doesn’t just smile through it or despite it anymore. She smiles because her other emotions are starting to reawaken, no longer numb from grief.

She smiles at Diana, and it’s a real smile, an honest one. “This would have meant so much to him,” Lois says. “Seeing the good he’d brought into people’s lives, seeing how he touched them.”

“His spirit lives on,” Diana murmurs, her head bowed slightly towards the monument. “Through the acts of kindness he has inspired, and through the people who loved him.”

The tight knot of emotion is still there in Lois’s throat, but she can breathe around it more easily these days. Diana’s palm is warm against her own, and when she squeezes Diana’s fingers, Diana squeezes hers right back.

*

Lois has never been much of a cook, but Diana eats two helpings of her spaghetti bolognese and seems to enjoy every mouthful. 

It’s the first time Diana’s been to her apartment, even though they meet frequently. It feels good having someone else there. Her energy isn’t the same as Clark’s, and Lois wouldn’t expect it to be, but it feels more like a home with Diana sat across from her, coaxing easy laughter from Lois with her stories.

Diana insists on helping her clean up, and Lois passes her washed dishes, watching out of the corner of her eye as Diana dries them swiftly and sets them aside.

There’s something restless beneath Lois’s skin, something that buzzes like the brush of feathers. Diana smiles at her, and Lois realises what it is, realises what she wants.

She kisses Diana in front of the kitchen sink, bubbles still smeared across her knuckles. It’s soft, chaste, Diana’s fingers coming up to rest against Lois’s neck.

Her heart is thundering when Lois slowly pulls away, and Diana looks at her, looks _into_ her, fingers still stroking Lois’s jaw.

“I am not him,” Diana tells her quietly. “I cannot be him.”

Lois can feel herself shaking. “I know,” she insists. “I don’t want you to be.”

Diana excuses herself, and Lois doesn’t want her to leave but also knows it’s for the best. At the door, Diana hugs her, burying her face in Lois’s hair, and Lois realises that Diana’s heart is racing as well, feeling the flutter of her pulse where their chests are pressed together.

“Until next time,” Diana says.

“Next time,” Lois agrees, and when the door is closed she leans back against it, sliding down until she can wrap her arms around her knees.

*

She doesn’t call or e-mail Diana for weeks, and Lois knows that she’s being unfair. She’s always tried to confront herself, to confront her fears, but she thinks of Diana’s face and her heart starts thudding all over again.

She visits Martha in Smallville, and they sit on the porch and drink sweet iced tea side by side. “You’re keeping busy?” Lois asks.

Martha shrugs, giving her a wry smile. “Always. What about you?” Her smile grows more playful at the way Lois’s eyes dart away. “Ah, you _are_ keeping busy then.”

Lois huffs out a laugh. “I was.”

“Was?” Martha prods gently. “Not anymore?”

Lois just shakes her head, toying with the ring Clark bought for her, twisting it around her finger.

“Jumping into a new relationship after losing someone is hard,” Martha sighs. “And if you do it with the wrong state of mind, you might only end up hurting yourself worse than ever.” She pats Lois’s knee, a fond look in her eyes. “But if you’ve found someone who makes it easier for you to get out of bed in the morning? Well, that can only be a good thing.”

“It’s so soon,” Lois whispers.

Martha just shakes her head. “Do you really think Clark would want you to be alone even a _second_ longer than you needed to be?” She tilts her head back, looking up at the sky. “Go ask him,” she suggests firmly. “It’ll make you feel better.”

Lois does as she’s told. She stands before Clark’s headstone and tells him about Diana, about everything she’s come to mean to Lois, about the way her smile can make Lois’s heart skip a beat. She tells Clark that she misses him, and when the tears slip from her eyes they’re warm against her face, and the knot of emotion in her throat eases a little.

She e-mails Diana that evening, asking her to dinner. It takes a full hour for Diana to respond, and her message simply says, “Name the time and place and I’ll be there.”

*

They walk home from dinner, the breeze whipping around them, Lois’s coat pulled tight in front of her. She’d never been to the restaurant before, but Lombard had told her the food was good.

Lois has never trusted his taste before, and after tonight she’ll never trust it again.

But Diana had taken the terrible service and questionable meals in stride, a twinkle in her eye when she’d said, “Well, the ambience is certainly _interesting_.”

Lois pauses at the door to her building. A part of her wants to invite Diana up, but after last time she’s not sure if she has the right to do so. But Diana leans forward, kissing Lois gently on the cheek, her lips lingering just long enough for Lois’s breath to grow faster, her body wanting to lean into Diana’s warmth.

“Next time, allow _me_ to choose the restaurant,” Diana teases, and Lois laughs and watches Diana walk back down the street, her hands in her coat pockets and her head held high.

Lois’s phone chimes before she’s even locked her apartment door. It’s Diana, asking her to keep the next evening free, and Lois feels herself beaming like a teenager as she hastily texts back.

*

Lois has never been lacking for courage, but it still takes three more dates before she finds the resolve to kiss Diana again.

It’s slower than before, sweeter, and Lois’s fingers find their way into Diana’s hair, strong arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her snug against Diana’s body.

She invites Diana upstairs, and they sprawl across Lois’s couch, Diana’s lips on her neck, Lois’s hips pushing up against her weight. They don’t go further than kissing that evening, but by the time Diana leaves Lois feels dazed and lighter than she has in far too long.

*

They learn to be a couple, learn to be a team, learn each other in every way. They spend lazy mornings in bed, and go grocery shopping, and visit museums, and watch games together. Diana picks her up from work for lunch, and they stay in touch through messages and calls when either of them is travelling. 

Diana likes to kiss Lois slowly, taking her time to touch her, fingers and tongue dragging over Lois’s skin. She’s strong enough to easily hold Lois’s hips off the bed, Lois’s legs thrown over her shoulders, and Lois sighs and moans for her as Diana’s mouth moves between her thighs, her hair tickling Lois’s skin.

Diana never looks more beautiful than she does spread across Lois’s sheets, her skin golden and sheened with perspiration, her hips arching into Lois’s touch. She cries out Lois’s name when she falls over the edge, Lois’s fingers moving inside of her, and after Lois rides Diana’s mouth, her hands gripping the headboard and her head thrown back.

They kiss in the alley behind the Daily Planet, and Lois comes with Diana’s hand down her pants, giggling in the inch of space between their mouths. They’re almost asked to leave a gallery when they’re caught in a bathroom stall, but Diana manages to charm the owner into not only letting them stay but inviting them to a private party. They watch the news of Luthor’s latest appeal being dismissed, and Lois grinds the heel of her palm between Diana’s cunt afterwards, tangled together on the floor, their mouths tasting of celebratory champagne.

At night, Lois listens to the sound of Diana’s breathing, slow and even, and she sleeps deeply and peacefully.

*

Smallville is in the middle of a cold snap, and Lois has her scarf pulled up around her mouth.

“I’m happy, Clark,” she murmurs. “And I think that would make _you_ happy too.”

Diana is beside her, the leather of her gloves smooth against Lois’s palm. “I will take care of her,” she says, looking down at Clark’s headstone with an expression of respect. “And she will take care of me.”

They walk from the cemetery hand-in-hand, and Lois feels the weight of Clark’s ring against her finger. 

He’ll always be with her. 

But Diana is with her too, and Lois breathes in deeply, the tight knot of emotion in her throat only a slither now and fading more every day.


End file.
